zombehvamp

  
it finally happened, I gave myself straight bangs again! ummm my family likes how it looks like, I don't know how to feel yet. I think it was a good step towards my new "rebirth", I am evolving from ruru to... uhh I'm still choosing a new name! I'm stuck between millie (for millipede) and bonny (for bunny).
I drew something today! for my personal account. Not really for this one, umm it fits more with my current aesthetics and personality. It's my new ponysona with her centipede tail! I drew it in my phone with ibis paint X.

my tumblr account has been doing pretty well, the one I'm using now is still the smallest of all my accounts but it feels nice. I'm someone who obsessed over numbers and notifications so I think it does my brain well to not be focused on it. It focuses mostly in my creepy cute aesthetics, blogging and my insanity which I'm no longer putting here... My insane thoughts are now only heard by God!!! AND tumblr!! my GOATS!!.
I also downloaded threads today, it's very boring I don't think I'll use it much.

Today I ate carrot cake with avocado toast and goat cheese for breakfast, for lunch I had spaghetti with a special sauce I don't know the name of and for dessert I had a cinnamon roll. I ate lunch at 7pm... and breakfast at 12... I know I should fix my sleep schedule.

I was off my medication for several days, I lost track of how many but today I finally got them back and I'll start taking them tonight. I wonder if that'll help with the fact I've been sleeping all day lately! I haven't even been replying to my friends these past few days...

Lately I've been coming back to my recluse behaviour and it has made me wonder if it's in my nature to want to be alone, but if it was would I be craving love as much as I do? I day dream of being loved and held someday, to be someone's favorite person, for them to think about me all day! but I'm just a loser girl who rots in her bedroom all day ._.; is love even an option for a girl like me? I wonder, I wonder, I wonder...
On the topic of that I've been dreaming of having a family so much lately!! I know a girl like me is not fit to be a mother but I'd love to have a lil baby to take care of and make happy. And a husband too!!! am I cooked chat? is this the beginning of me becoming delusional??!?!?!? I never cared about this stuff before but I feel like with each month it grows stronger!!

I haven't gotten much done lately. When I tell you I've been rotting in bed I mean it! most productive thing I've been doing was cleaning my room the other and keeping up with my skincare... I am useless!! but not for long!! classes start again soon and I'm looking forward to it! I didn't achieve my goals of losing weight and becoming prettier but I guess it's fine. I don't got anyone to impress anyways so I'm not that worried.

Ah yes, beauty! my current obsession. I've been using social media more and I see all these girls in the same spot at me that are so loved because they're so pretty!! I wonder if I become skinny and pretty like them, maybe I can be loved too? I've tried it before and it did work!! maybe I should do it again.

I'll get back to drawing..... soon. I don't really want to go back to drawing but I promised I wouldn't quit so I won't. as for now, please enjoy my shitposts for I have nothing else to offer! I'll go back to watching my little pony and listening to music instead of studying lololol

song of the day: Lovefool - Post Modern Jukebox ft. Haley Reinhart