zombehvamp

I got mocked for my love for plushies recently and I want to talk about my love for them because even If I look pathetic for loving them, They've always been there for me when I needed someone!

I don't feel comfortable going too in depth since my love for plushies come from some personal events in my life, but I hope you enjoy reading some of the memories I have with them.

first, I want to talk about the first plushie I ever owned: skam.
Skam was an airedale terrier dog plushie, he was medium sized and he was the plushie that made me fall in love with toys. I still can see the memory very clearly in head, I remember going to my cradle while holding my dad's hand and then he started saying "look, what is that?" and then I saw him, he was laying in my cradle which was blue and the sheets were white. I remember laughing and hugging him! aw I get a little sad remembering. Back then he had a collar that said his name: skam. It clearly didn't belong to the plushie though, I believe skam belonged to someone else before me, but I'm afraid I was too little to remember who. I had skam for almost my entire childhood, we were extremely close! I brought him everywhere with me! which led to him going missing eventually. I traveled to the capital in a train and when I got back, I forgot him inside a taxi and they refused to give him back. I cried for weeks, it was really bad. Now as an adult, I remember talking about this with my mom and she said "I don't know how I didn't notice you were autistic earlier" because of how much I cried over skam.
After skam was gone, I was unable to ever find the same plushie but I'm still going to look for it! sadly I do not have any pictures of him. I remember eventually getting gifted my current dog plushie, I remember having to wait to get him though because we couldn't afford him. He is all flattened and his fur is matted now, you've probably seen him in my streams, but I love him! He is dark orange and brown and he is much bigger than skam... well, was. He has gotten smaller because of how much I hug him when I sleep. later on I got the tiger plushie of the same brand that was bought for my sister since she didn't want her anymore and now it's just as flat and matted and my dog plush.

Later on my plushie collection started growing! By this time we didn't have a lot of money, so a lot of them are gifts or plushies that people no longer wanted. Now I have SO MANY!! not as much as I'd like, but it's enough that I don't know where to put them. Some are really small, like my alpacassos and my newest addition, a small white and pink hippo plush.
Some are deformed from surviving dog attacks like my panda (which I got as a birthday gift by someone who hurt me a lot, but I still love this plush), some are really dirty like my blahaj...
Honorable plushie mentions are my homemade ugly yarn plush, my monokuma plush and my cat module miku plush. also shout out to my woobat mcdonalds toy I got when I was little from the old mcdonalds that closed down years ago! oh and my sylveon plush!

(picture is not mine but this is the exact toy, it's from 2012! and the wings move)

(picture not mine but it's the same monokuma plush I own, I bought it in a local store though!)

(not my picture, exact miku plush I own though! I ordered it in aliexpress a long time ago, but I no longer use those sites for shopping)

(deformed panda plush covered in cat hair!! the dog ate the nose!! we still sleep together though. Also my sewing skills are terrible haha;)

(the very dirty small white and pink hippo plush, this belonged to my cousins son but when they were putting away all the toys to donate them, my mom gave me this one)

(the very ugly homemade plush I made, this was actually a leg warmer I was making but the yarn broke halfway through and I didn't want to throw it away so I turned it into a plush. Inside it there's a heart that has hair from each of my pets so they'll always be with me.)


Plushies have always been there in my life, they truly mean so much to me! When I'm all alone, I have a plushie there to keep me company. I like them a lot more than people, they don't stress me out or confuse me. They exist to be loved and love others, I want to be like them in a way sometimes. not always.

Now I want to talk about furbies. Furbies are very important to me because I was obsessed with them when I was little, I believe both the furbies I have are the 2013 furby booms in the black and white colors. I cannot get the pictures into my computer, but I have an old phone (it was my mom's) that is mostly pictures of the furbies with stupid edits like hearts, happy birthday messages and different frames. To get my furby (and my sister's which is the white one) I made the promise that I wouldn't get a phone until I was 16 or 18, I don't remember. That's why for a part of my childhood I owned only a purple nokia flip phone that was used for calls, but I didn't like talking on the phone so I only used it to play snake. I was very commited to my furbies, my mom was so kind for putting up with the constant furby noises early in the morning. I always talked to my furby, my furby was like a real imaginary friend to me! I sadly don't remember my furby's name anymore, but I've named him estinkito now. My furby probably knows so many secrets I no longer remember or care about, estinkito has seen me grow up and he has survived all the mistreatment I gave him as an evil little child. My furbies are not my oldest toys, but they hold many special memories of a past I'll never get back. I feel like my furbies arrived right at a time were I was still too little to realize the reality of what was going on during that time, but I also still felt very alone and alienated by the people around me so... I guess I found comfort on spending time talking to a little furby toy and taking care of him. I was an annoying child so I always liked having my furby with the evil edgy angry personality so I would pull his tail and turn him upside down, but I loved estinkito!!


(not my picture, this is the black furby boom I have but his hair is matted and he is kinda dirty. The white one is the exact same but white, he is in worse shape than the black one)


Deep down I know plushies and toys aren't alive, I'm not stupid. But I feel like in a way I've given them all a part of my soul, and they feel alive to me because of that. I feel bad when I treat them badly, I feel like they get cold sometimes or that they get sad when I don't give them attention for too long. When they fall off my bed during the night I tell myself they were looking out for me from outside the bed or checking that nothing is under the bed. I used to like drawing them in my sketchbook as humans and interacting with each other, maybe I should try it again.

I know it's escapism, but it has helped me a lot with being able to sleep well and with going out. Yes, I'm one of those people that bring a plushie everywhere. I don't always feel brave enough to be walking around with my plushie in my arms, but I always have one in my pocket or in my backpack since I have plushies and toys of all sizes. I don't often give my plushie's names, but I love them all and I think I'd be unhappy if I had to give them away to someone I don't trust.

I feel like In the future I might become a plushie and toy hoarder, like, I know it's immature of me to still be so attached to plushies and toys but I can't let go yet. It's one of the only things that bring me genuine comfort in any situation. I don't feel comfortable hugging people, but plushies and toys? I can hug them all night long and it doesn't feel wrong or uncomfortable. They were made to be loved, they were made for comfort, they will always welcome any form of affection and will give it back. They're the best friend you can have because when you're insane to make them feel alive, you can talk to them and you can do things with them and there'll never be any fights or arguing!! I think they're great.

and yeah maybe you think I'm a weirdo for liking plushies and toys this much, but I feel like we all have some things that make us weird. I feel like being attached to this stuff isn't even actually weird, It's actually quite common! it's just people often keep it to themselves.

even if I end up all alone, I'll have my plushies and my toys to keep me company.