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this sucks.... but not that badly.
May. 25th, 2025 10:16 pm yk reading through my past entries I feel like I was going through an extremely long hypomanic episode where I couldn't think clearly and everything seemed to be either extremely bad or extremely good.
My school interfered, they said I was acting "erratic", "strange", "not the same"... what do they know?
anyways, they got me to start taking my meds responsibly (and to stop taking so many of the other fucking pills at the same time because they don't work anymore, it's got me sad man). I guess they're working, I'm back to being numb, it sucks... but it's not terrible. I have to get used to it, the fate of being bipolar is being too much for everyone or choosing to be normal and not feel a lot of things.
I feel like people will dislike me now that I find it hard to put on the "silly" in the rurusilly. I didn't realize how much of that side of my personality would go away so fast, I feel like a shell of who I was but it's fine because I can think clearly.
I don't feel miserable, my self esteem is still terrible but I'm not wallowing in my misery feeling helpless anymore.
also I'm being annoying in a different away, I hope it's not too unbearable.
Now I just sleep all day, I don't really have much energy but at least I'm fine. Don't have much appetite either which I think is a good thing, I've been gaining weight because I have so much anxiety lately. I still got the anxiety btw, but yk you get used to it and stuff. Tomorrow the new week starts and we'll see how I manage it now that my mind isn't racing all the time.
I mentioned last time I'm seeing a psychologist, well... I guess I'm seeing two now since the other one decided to interfere directly. Idk what's happening and why everyone thinks I'm like, so weird now? nothing has changed. I guess it's more noticeable to strangers than to my own family and friends. idk.
I just hope things go well even if I'm as plain as white bread when I'm like this.
I say things are better but... look at the state of my room man, I haven't even gotten out of bed. I guess that's bad. But I don't feel bad so that's fine I guess.
I'll just lay here and listen to emo music all night. I spent some time cleaning up my playlist since I don't feel like listening to scene music anymore. Things have changed slightly i guess.
My school interfered, they said I was acting "erratic", "strange", "not the same"... what do they know?
anyways, they got me to start taking my meds responsibly (and to stop taking so many of the other fucking pills at the same time because they don't work anymore, it's got me sad man). I guess they're working, I'm back to being numb, it sucks... but it's not terrible. I have to get used to it, the fate of being bipolar is being too much for everyone or choosing to be normal and not feel a lot of things.
I feel like people will dislike me now that I find it hard to put on the "silly" in the rurusilly. I didn't realize how much of that side of my personality would go away so fast, I feel like a shell of who I was but it's fine because I can think clearly.
I don't feel miserable, my self esteem is still terrible but I'm not wallowing in my misery feeling helpless anymore.
also I'm being annoying in a different away, I hope it's not too unbearable.
Now I just sleep all day, I don't really have much energy but at least I'm fine. Don't have much appetite either which I think is a good thing, I've been gaining weight because I have so much anxiety lately. I still got the anxiety btw, but yk you get used to it and stuff. Tomorrow the new week starts and we'll see how I manage it now that my mind isn't racing all the time.
I mentioned last time I'm seeing a psychologist, well... I guess I'm seeing two now since the other one decided to interfere directly. Idk what's happening and why everyone thinks I'm like, so weird now? nothing has changed. I guess it's more noticeable to strangers than to my own family and friends. idk.
I just hope things go well even if I'm as plain as white bread when I'm like this.
I say things are better but... look at the state of my room man, I haven't even gotten out of bed. I guess that's bad. But I don't feel bad so that's fine I guess.
I'll just lay here and listen to emo music all night. I spent some time cleaning up my playlist since I don't feel like listening to scene music anymore. Things have changed slightly i guess.
