Self improvement month: day 2

[zombehvamp]

 

Today was a really good day. I practiced everything I set myself up to do very well and I managed to even socialize and start projects with people. Ofc not everything was perfect, but nothing truly is. I accept the good with the bad and I'm hopeful that I'll be able to push through everything. I just have to keep taking time to breathe, think before acting, be calm, be kind.

A thing I'd like to work on is my disinterested way of speaking, I always sound monotone or like I'm annoyed or overly robotic when I'm actually talking to people IRL. I have a very aggressive and cold way of speaking that I truly dislike and I want it to change. I think this can be changed by not speaking as much and keeping things to myself, I don't have to give out my opinion on everything, especially if it's negative!

I want my words to be warmer and kinder, I want people to feel loved when they talk to me and this is going to be a very hard thing to achieve. Today I told my grandma I loved her, I think that's a good start. I am terrible at showing affection so this is a big step!
I also took the time to wash the dishes after we ate and I helped set the table.
I want to keep doing little things like this that help people, I often stop myself from helping others in fear of being cumbersome but I will try to keep putting it aside and actually helping others.

I'm grateful for my family again, I love them and I'm glad I get to spend time with them. Idc if I love them more than they love me, I want to give my love to people. I want people to feel loved and happy like I don't feel inside. I want to see smiles and singing and dancing!

Today at school I participated in class and talked with my classmates, I also was brave enough to ask to do a group project which I lowkey regret because I don't really want to go to other people's houses... I get so anxious in other places and it's like 6 or 7 of us, but I'll try my best. If I want to survive and succeed in life I have to get over my social phobia whether I like it or not!

I'm extremely tired but grateful to be so, I'm glad I had a good day after everything that happened. I want things to get better and I know there'll be low points, but I'll push through! I can't get worse anyways because I don't want to risk getting kicked out until I'm done with school.

Today I also ate a meal before going to class which I never do and the next two days I don't have class so I have time to reflect, but I can't apply what I learn in real life that well until the next week when I actually go to class and interact with people. Still I can still learn to be kinder with my family, my cold nature often makes me not be very open with my feelings towards them and I want them to know I care and that I've changed. I want them to be proud of me, I want to be the best version of myself after such a low point.

Goals for tomorrow:
Get out of bed
Be kind
Help with anything around the house
Offer to cook lunch
Clean cat litter
Spend time with online friends
reflect, think, relax and pray

That's all for today. Thank you for giving me such a good day.

Bunny divider by kodaswrld in tumblr